I needed it. I wanted it. It was about writing, which I love. But we were not in a place where we could pick up and move. I lived in Charlottesville, Va. The job was Washington, D.C. Not a bad drive at all. About 120 miles. But not one I could pull off daily. Once a week? Sure. So I packed up the Bug, found a nice, little apartment in the recently revived, urban chic Brookland Works on the Metro Red Line near Catholic U., and got to business. And it was really pretty great for six months, for a year.
GOING BACK TO ROCKVILLE
At a year and a half, it wasn’t so great. At two years, it was unacceptable. It wasn’t the weekly drive, at all. Frankly, those two hours with the top down and the radio up was a great way to unwind and reflect on the past and future. Simply, it wasn’t a way (for me) to be a part of my family, to be a part of my kids’ then-eight-and-nine-year-old lives, especially after being gone for three and a half years in the military, and then absent every day but Sunday morning when I thought I wanted to be a lawyer.
So, loved the job. Hated the separation. When the next opportunity presented itself, moved the family. Against R.E.M.’s sage advice, we went to Rockville, Maryland. How nice.
Charlie Scharf faced a similar predicament. His commute is considerably longer—between The Big Apple and beautiful San Francisco—but he could afford to fly first class. His job pays significantly more than mine does. And he’s significantly more “indispensable” to his organization than I could ever imagine being to any.
Still, he said “he needs be closer to his family in New York. . . . ‘My decision is entirely personal,’ Scharf said . . . noting that he and his wife have ‘worked hard to spend time with our daughters.’” So earlier this week, VISA CEO Charlie Scharf turned in his resignation to head back east to be with the family.
DECISIONS, DECISIONS
I know I made the right decision. After a couple of year on the job, I was confident enough I’d be there for a long while and could afford the expense of moving without finding myself (too quickly) on the street looking for another job.
I suspect Scharf’s confident in his decision. He’s immensely marketable, himself, and so he can walk into a job in NYC paying seven figures, no problem.
For both of us, though, it was finally about family and what we owe them, what we want to give to them, and what they give us, which is immensely more fulfilling than money (I know it sounds trite). When I decided to turn my back on law before coming to D.C., it was because it didn’t inspire me the way that I thought it might, the way I thought it should given the sacrifices I’d be making—that is, money, sure, and my time and emotional investment, of course, but more significantly and really priceless, my kids’ lives, too. I can make that sacrifice for duty to country, but not for money.
TAKEAWAY
You need the job two states away. Think about how to manage it. Think about the costs, fiscal and personal. Then make a plan. I knew I’d either stay in D.C. and bring the family up, eventually, or head back south. We liked being able to make the family move when the situation in D.C. was stable. Being in D.C. and the surrounding area for a couple of years with the family visiting periodically let us really know where we wanted to live up this way, where we could afford to live. That was a huge advantage in making just one, final (?) move.
But if you have a family and kids, think hard about taking a long-term job believing the weekly commute will be fine. It might, at first, but eventually, I think, phone calls from little Jane saying, “Come home, daddy,” wear on you.
As they probably should.
