It was one of those moments that seem to come more often the older you get. In the midst of an interview, a member of the selection panel – who had clearly done a thorough deep dive beyond my resume – asked about a former colleague with whom I’d worked in the past. “I noticed that you worked (insert organization here) at the same time as (insert name here). That must have been great. He’s such a good guy.”
No, he’s an ass, I thought to myself. He abused his staff, openly humiliating them at every turn. He lied so much and so often that he had difficulty keeping his stories straight. He regularly made inappropriate comments about (and to) the women in the organization. He drank on the job. He routinely issued guidance contrary to the boss’s wishes, then blamed others when questioned. No, he was not a good guy.
I considered my response. Do I speak my mind and risk turning the interview down an awkward (and dark) path? Do I hold my tongue, even though doing so runs counter to my natural instincts? Or do I choose a middle ground, parsing my words in a way that allows me to communicate my thoughts without being overly blunt or offensive?
“Yes, we worked together for a couple of years,” I responded, nodding in acknowledgement. “I haven’t spoken with him in a while, but I think he’s doing well.” The moment passed and the interview continued without further discussion.
It’s Not all Rainbows and Unicorns
Spend enough time in the workforce – any workforce – and you will eventually (and inevitably) gain some negative experiences. Maybe you work for someone who rubs you the wrong way, you find yourself stuck in a job you don’t like, or you’re in an organization that is slowly descending into chaos. It happens.
I once led an investigation of a leader who was drunk with power, wielding it like a sledgehammer to bludgeon her employees for every perceived slight (and there were a lot of them). They’d suffered insult after indignity. They’d seen policy weaponized against them. They’d been systematically abused by a sadistic leader. As I spoke with those employees and gathered their input for my report, I took the time to reassure them that there was light at the end of the tunnel.
What you don’t want is for those negative experiences to affect your ability to transition into a new environment, or for them to bleed over into that new environment once you transition. They shape your perspective, how you see and interact with those around. But don’t allow them to control your life, to impact you on a day-to-day basis. Learn from the experience. Grow from it.
Flipping the Script
I get it. It’s easier said than done.
But it’s important. There’s a time and a place for venting about a negative work experience and it’s not in the interview room. It’s likely that you’ll be asked questions that relate to past experiences, workplaces, and even supervisors, questions that might trigger a reaction. Save the soul-cleansing airing of the grievances for the break room. Stay positive, stay focused, and stay at the top of the candidate list.
1. Do: be honest.
Any experienced interviewer will pick up on dishonesty, and your body language will give away your true feelings, anyway. So, when asked about something that might trigger a reaction, lean into the question (literally and figuratively). Close the space with the interviewer and talk about how you learned and grew from the experience, and why that makes you a stronger candidate. Let your strength and resilience shine.
2. Do: be forthright.
One of my most negative employment experiences grew from my own inability to effectively “lead up” while working for an especially weak leader. Not only did I grow as a result of the negative experience, it was transformational for me. Once I set aside the anger and frustration, I could speak freely and openly about the value it provided me.
3. Do: be Genuine.
We all have strengths. We all have weaknesses. I have a work ethic that never stops, but I’m also impatient. I have a way with words, and sometimes they come out a little bluntly. Be you. Be the genuine you and be open about your own weaknesses. That also signals self-awareness, which increasingly seems to be a vanishing trait.
4. Don’t: be evasive.
You’re going to get asked questions about former jobs and past bosses. It’s inevitable. Evading those questions is just as awkward as lying about them. Don’t hem and haw when they come up. Be prepared to answer them in a way that is productive and positive. This is a flip the script moment. Seize it.
5. Don’t: be silent.
The only thing possibly worse than evading or lying about a question is refusing to answer it. Instead, find something you can say that relates to the experience in a positive light. This isn’t the witness stand and you’re not testifying. Relax and take charge of the moment.
6. Don’t: be angry.
The temptation to talk some trash in the aftermath of a negative experience is difficult to control, but necessary. An interview is neither the place nor the time to express negativity. There’s always a good chance you’ll be asked about a former employer, company, or colleagues. Be prepared but don’t be angry.
That’s not to say that you have to suppress the feelings that come from a negative work experience. You don’t. But learn to channel them and use the energy for positive outcomes. Those experiences – however negatively they may affect you – provide personal and professional opportunities for you to grow. Rein them in. Use them to your advantage. When you have trouble moving on from those experiences, remember that success is the best revenge. Let that success speak for you.
