“Give it to me straight, Doctor, I can take it.” – Johnny Fever, WKRP in Cincinnati
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told that I deliver feedback like a flying elbow drop from Randy “Macho Man” Savage. Direct, succinct, and apparently at times, brutal. Especially when it wasn’t expected.
Part of it is pragmatism. As someone who is goal-oriented and performance-focused, feedback is fundamental to moving forward, to improving. Part of it is practicality. There’s only so much time in a day and I if I’m a firm believer that feedback is best offered in the moment. And part of it is simple impatience. I’d rather deliver the feedback, then move on to other things.
So, while some might accuse me of being brutal, I prefer to think of myself as brutally honest. And to be fair, the world needs more brutally honest people. That honesty brings incredible value to the workplace, even if it might make some people uncomfortable. If you ask for feedback, you’re going to get it; if you don’t ask, you’re probably going to get it, anyway. Over the years, though, I’ve learned to temper my feedback. While there might still be a little Macho Man in the delivery, the impact of that feedback feels a little less like I’m coming off the top rope.
FEEDBACK THAT SHATTERS
Early on, that wasn’t the case. I was raised in a world where the feedback I received was so harsh that you either grew thick skin, suffered in relative silence, or found someplace else to be. When my father offered feedback, it typically followed a string of expletives. I used to joke that I grew up thinking my name was Jesus Christ; when I heard my father say those words, that usually meant that I was about to receive some much-needed parental feedback.
Later, as a firefighter during my college years, the feedback we received could be just as harsh. Out of necessity – our jobs literally had life-or-death consequences – the Chief didn’t mince words. If you hung back at a fire, he let you know. If you mishandled a 911 call, you could expect to be summoned into his office. And if you made a mistake that put someone else at risk, he would likely fire you on the spot.
So, it should come as no surprise that I brought that proclivity with me as a young leader. When someone was late, I might ask them if they knew how to tell time. When someone failed to communicate effectively, I might ask them if they needed help with their words. When someone couldn’t follow instructions, I might ask them if they needed me to draw a picture. Once, when one of my junior leaders was reluctant to make a decision, I said, “If you’re scared, buy a dog.” It wasn’t that I intended those statements to be mean spirited, but they sure came out that way.
Feedback can be brutal, but it doesn’t need to be harsh.
FEEDBACK THAT MATTERS
Feedback is a necessary part of any workplace. It helps to build trust, fosters a culture of transparency, and fuels success at both the individual and team levels. Without it, people and organizations stagnate. The status quo becomes the accepted norm and the motivation for change simply ceases to exist.
But for some, giving honest feedback is tough. Citing a survey of 7,631 in a 2017 article, Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman noted that 44% of leaders found giving negative feedback stressful or difficult. In a separate survey, 21% admitted that they avoid it altogether. The reasons aren’t that surprising. Some aren’t comfortable, or they don’t want to deal with the potential for emotional responses. Some aren’t really sure how, or they’re afraid that negative feedback might derail someone altogether. And some just make excuses: they don’t have time, have other priorities, or will deal with it later.
Feedback is non-negotiable. If you truly want people to learn and improve, then you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Feedback that develops must be constructive. It has to be honest; it can be brutal and sometimes will. And it has to be part of a loop, where feedback is given and received.
THE ROAD RULES
Now, while I might occasionally be accused of being too blunt or honest, I like to think that I’ve learned to offer consistent constructive and productive feedback. There’s no better teacher than experience and that’s something that can only be gained over time. And though I’m still not the most patient leader in the workplace, parenting tempered some of that raw impatience over time. For me, the end result was a very even-handed approach to providing feedback that could be tailored to the individual needs of the person on the other end of the feedback loop.
1. Stick to the facts.
While your interpretations of behavior or thinking are important, meaningful feedback has to be specific. Steer clear of what you think might be happening and drill down to the hard facts.
2. Ask leading questions.
If you feel the need to discuss your interpretations, rephrase them as questions. Instead of telling someone that you think they lack confidence, ask them how confident they feel. That helps to open the dialog and fuel the feedback loop.
3. Maintain a positive spin.
Often, feedback is a sledgehammer of negativity: “you write like an eighth grader” or “you’re always late.” If feedback is going to help someone learn and grow, it needs to be framed in that context: “let’s explore ways to improve your communication skills” or “What can we do to help get your mornings started off on a positive footing?”
4. Watch for patterns.
When performance is off with someone who is usually reliable, pay close attention to emerging patterns and offer feedback based on your observations. This helps you to avoid recency bias – where near-term memory drives recall – and maintain focus on the “big picture.”
5. Prioritize what matters.
It’s not unusual for someone to have a multitude of areas for improvement. If you list them all out, it’s setting them up for failure. Instead, take the time to focus on those that will have the most impact, both on the individual and the organization. I try to limit this to 3-5 areas, which ensures progress while not becoming overwhelming.
6. Stay strategic.
When offering feedback, it’s important to maintain a strategic perspective. It’s less about today than the future. You want to ensure your feedback is geared toward organizational alignment, which helps the individual grow within the team.
Through it all, it’s essential to let compassion and empathy be your guide. People are like icebergs: you only see what’s visible above the surface. That’s why the best feedback is weaved into a much more open and welcoming conversation. Let your emotional and social intelligence set an azimuth. Break down the barriers to communication and give yourself time for a productive and meaningful dialog.
