“Everyone has a plan ‘till they get punched in the mouth.” – Mike Tyson
At a spring baseball practice during my sophomore year of high school, I watched as our shortstop – who wasn’t the most sure-handed player in the infield – muff a ground ball. That day was worse than most, and we were on the field later than usual as the coach continued to hit ground balls into the infield in hopes of seeing some improvement. But our shortstop was keeping us on the field when we all wanted to call it a day.
After yet another muffed grounder, I couldn’t help myself. “That’s okay. The ball hit you in a bad place,” I called out from my position on second base. Then turned to the first baseman and quipped, “Right in the hands.” We were all laughing when I turned my head back to the shortstop, who had just launched a haymaker at my mouth. The punch connected, and I went down.
Reeling from the blow, my head cleared just enough to know that he was closing in for another swing. I could swallow my humiliation and submit, but it wasn’t right to let things end that way. Even if my mouth opened the door to this confrontation, a blindside sucker punch was just wrong. Dazed, with a split lip and a broken tooth, I pulled myself up and squared off.
That was a lesson in resilience that I carried with me into adulthood. Most people don’t understand what it feels like to take a punch to the face, and even fewer know what it takes to pull themselves up and fight back after it happens. My experience served as a metaphor for life, and fueled a “never quit, never surrender” attitude that reflects my approach to most situations.
FINDING THE TARGET
There’s a long tradition of boxing at the United States Military Academy, dating back to a 1905 decision by President Theodore Roosevelt that the sport should be a mandatory part of the curriculum for future Army leaders. When that tradition was questioned by the New York Times in 2015, defenders of the practice cited the deeper meaning and value of the sport. “The ultimate purpose of the boxing classes isn’t to teach boxing skills,” wrote Michael Rosenthal in an article for The Ring. “It’s to instill mental toughness … to show [future leaders] how to face their fears.” It teaches people how to prevail in the face of adversity, to channel and even suppress their fears, and to think rationally in the heat of battle.
It instills resilience.
“Resilience has long been touted as an essential capability for bouncing back” from setbacks, wrote Steven Snyder in a 2013 article. But teaching people to be resilient can be difficult. “It requires the courage to confront painful realities, the faith that there will be a solution when one isn’t immediately evident, and the tenacity to carry on despite a nagging gut feeling that the situation is hopeless.” Recreating those conditions in a classroom environment is challenging, but not impossible.
The boxing ring is one example. Live fire exercises are another. First responders simulate life-or-death scenarios for training. The Leader Reaction Course, a staple for Army ROTC cadets, puts participants in difficult circumstances that require creative solutions to seemingly unsolvable problems. Anyone who’s watched Star Trek will remember the Kobayashi Maru, the Starfleet training exercise designed to test human character in the face of a “no-win scenario.” It’s all about creating the situations that build resilience.
Hitting the target
But resilience starts with a mindset. We’ve all known people who were remarkably resilient and others who struggled to get past even the most minor obstacles in life. While there are any number of factors that can impact the calculus of resilience, the mental toughness that underpins resilience begins in what General James Mattis referred to as “the most important six inches on the battlefield.” Your mind.
1. Develop your EQ.
Emotional intelligence is the capstone of resilience. Your mental toughness – your grit – is held in place by your ability to interpret, interact with, and leverage emotions, both in yourself and others. Those moments the truly test you are actually testing your emotional intelligence.
2. Be confident.
For resilient people, confidence is more than just a mindset, it’s a way of life. People who exhibit true confidence are a breed apart from those who parade through life with a sense of false bravado. Genuine confidence is both inspirational and infectious, born from the mental strength that comes with knowing you will succeed in the face of obstacles.
3. Channel fear.
Resilient people channel fear as a catalyst. For a good portion of the population, fear is an inhibitor that presents seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Fear slows decision-making, makes you second-guess yourself, and impedes your growth. Resilience allows you to take the leap into the unknown knowing that you can manage whatever waits on the other side.
4. Underwrite failure.
That relationship with fear allows the mentally tough to underwrite failure. They recognize that the road to success is paved with mistakes, and don’t dwell on those missteps. Thomas Edison was an icon of resilience. When questioned about his mistakes, he replied simply, “I have not failed 10,000 times – I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”
5. Embrace risk.
In the same vein, a resilient person will recognize and embrace risk. Risk is a constant in life; there are risks around every corner, over the next hill, beyond the horizon. Someone with true grit sees risk through a different lens – as an opportunity. As hockey legend Wayne Gretzky famously said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
6. Accept change.
Change is inevitable. Mentally tough people understand and accept that. The road to success requires us, as the United States Marine Corps is known to say, “improvise, adapt, and overcome.” Change is just part of life. You can either accept it and move forward or fight it and fall behind.
7. Neutralize toxicity.
Resilient people have an innate ability to neutralize toxicity. Success tends to breed envy, which in turn leads to negativity. Science calls them toxic; we call them haters. The emotional intelligence that characterizes resilience allows a mentally tough person to deal with those negative emotions rationally, in their own time and their own way. They don’t allow the haters to dictate their joy in life.
8. Say no.
Part of being resilient is learning to say no. We all have limitations to our personal bandwidth, and saying no is a healthy way to avoid putting yourself in situations where you fail because you’ve taken on more than you can manage. Learning to say no requires self-awareness, self-esteem, and the social intelligence to communicate it effectively.
9. Take care of yourself.
Resilient people understand that grit is supported by three key ingredients: rest, nutrition, and exercise. The body and mind are a well-oiled machine that requires proper care and maintenance. The fastest way to break down resilience is to allow that machine to fall into disrepair.
10. Be positive.
General Colin Powell was an iconic leader who understood resilience: “Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.” Resilient people exude positivity, so much so that its infectious impact on teams is impossible to ignore. At the top of any high-performing team you’ll find a mentally tough leader who is a fountain of positive energy, fueling the organizational culture with unparalleled focus and direction.
