Military life is an illusion. There, I said it. I will understand it when those who disagree decide to argue about how the ‘real world’ is the illusion, and Service Members volunteer to face the harshness of reality. However, it is my opinion that military life is an illusion, a harsh wonderland, rose-colored glasses, or just simply a place where those who serve are not exposed to the real harshness of realistic life.
Culture Shock
Transitioning out of the military is a rude awakening for a majority of service members because of the proverbial band-aid being torn off quickly, and the illusion being removed quicker than the blink of an eye. Nearly overnight, you are expected to know how to set up your own health insurance, you no longer just ‘qualify’ for housing, there is little to no transparency or predictability, your next job is all up to you, and so is your paycheck. Not only do you have to worry about finding a job, making the right amount of money to qualify for all of your necessities, but you also need to find a place that you can fit in.
Fitting in at your next job may be one of the hardest things that you do post-transition. Think about how easy it was to fit in when you arrived at a new unit. People knew that you were competent at your job, depending on your rank, and they knew that you had either earned their respect already through some rite-of-passage, or they knew that you were ready simply because you raised your right hand and took the oath. Well, that doesn’t apply now, and you have to watch your mouth, your face, and your attitude because these new coworkers are no longer trained to defend the country, and they might not share the same values that you do.
Do not ditch the discipline – adapt it
One of the first values that I missed when I transitioned was the sense of urgency. This was felt during even the application part of the job. I couldn’t understand why a company that needed someone to fill a position could take weeks, or possibly months, to fill a position. I constantly felt like time was being wasted, resources were being underutilized or unused, and the leadership did not know how to manage the talent they had access to. This was increasingly frustrating throughout multiple iterations of applying for jobs, interviewing, and even touring offices.
I found the only possible answer was to turn this into an opportunity to lead by example if given the chance. Unfortunately, the jobs that I felt I could make the biggest impact in either passed on my application, or because of some ‘issue’ in the government, the job was no longer available. But reframing irritations can be an awesome tool for those who are seeking new employment. Veterans, as you transition, translate those leadership skills into ways to make the organization better, and you will be much more competitive.
Redefine your mission
It can feel increasingly frustrating as the transition continues to feel like you have lost your mission. You may not have understood the feeling while serving in the military, but that void that you feel sometimes, that screams at you for being useless – that is the idea that you no longer have a mission. This is not true. You can create your own mission, again by reframing those negative thoughts. You are no longer receiving orders and just executing them; you are creating your own objectives. Focus on those and execute your own mission.
These new missions and objectives can be made by reframing the idea of goals and career development, education, or even community service. Create a list of these ‘objectives’ and focus your energy on achieving whatever milestone you have created for yourself and you will accomplish the mission, and the next.
Reconnect with Emotional Intelligence
You will not lose your edge from the military. That is something that a lot of veterans are afraid of. They do not want to lose the things that they worked so hard to achieve and ingrain within themselves, and they do not want to be just another civilian. Your edge will not be dulled, but you do need to reshape it.
Instead of just being a tool for mission execution, sharpen edges like emotional intelligence, adaptability, and relationship-building. These are skills that let you thrive without suppressing your true nature. Empathy and healthy coping methods make you a valuable asset in any workplace.
Build a new tribe
I want to emphasize something for everyone reading this: you have not lost your tribe. It may feel like you are no longer a part of the life that you had before transitioning, but this is not the case. The Marines are not the only service branch that can say ‘Once a Marine, always a Marine’. I mean, they can, but you are allowed to replace Marine with your chosen branch.
Again, I say for those in the back that you have not lost your family in the military. The relationship that you had has simply evolved because, much like some of the other benefits that you no longer have, you have to find support in slightly other places. Physical training is no longer your workout time with the team. You will need to find a new group to work out with, just like a new group to have hobbies with, or to volunteer with, and other activities. But this is an opportunity to build a new tribe, to develop a new network of friends and support. You can still be a part of your friend group of people in the military, but you should also expand your network and rebuild your new civilian identity.
Own your story
Many service members, as they enter the civilian world, have a very hard time explaining their story. This is especially true for those with unique accolades, rare certifications, valuable experiences, and high-level skills. In the military, we’re taught to credit the team, not ourselves. But in civilian life, learning to celebrate personal wins is a skill veterans must develop, often on an unrealistic timeline. These skills, wins, and certificates will make you so much more competitive for jobs. You have to not only own your own story, but you need to celebrate yourself.
Practice Self-Care without shame
Prepare yourself because there will be days when you feel tested and pushed to your limits. People will frustrate you, annoy you, and make you feel like you are not the same as them. Embrace it because it is true. But don’t ‘power through’ because you will burn yourself out, and that stress can have real impacts on your life. It was easier to power through when you had the understanding and support of those to your right and left in formation. Now, you cannot block out the stress and frustration with gallows humor and your military coping skills. Times are changing.
As you prepare for your transition out of the military, you need to implement self-care techniques. Healthy coping skills like mindfulness exercises, therapy, fitness routines, and outdoor activities are great places to start. Look for veteran’s retreats, classes, seminars, and networking events in your area after transitioning. Not only will you find new ways to take care of yourself, but you might just make a friend or two along the way.
You are not alone
Let me reassure you that you are not the first to feel frustrated or alone. This transition is not something that we are prepared for correctly. It truly is a unique experience for every single service member. The culture shock is something that we can not anticipate. It is overwhelming and it is scary. But fearful or not, we are trained to run towards the fight.
As you approach this battle, remember that you have an array of tools and people within your reach. If you are starting your transition, take every class and opportunity to learn and grow that you can. You must mentally prepare yourself. If you take it seriously, you can not only survive this transition, but you can thrive in it.
