“Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.” – Bruce Banner, The Incredible Hulk
Of all the good traits that I inherited from my father – a strong work ethic, a tendency toward critical thinking, and an often-inappropriate sense of humor – I also share his seething temper. There it sits, just below the surface, waiting to find an outlet.
I spent the better part of my adult life tamping it down. There were signs: a noticeable lack of patience, a tendency to speak my mind when discretion might have been warranted, and the old man’s habit of grinding my jaw when I was on the verge of blowing a gasket. But, in 30 years in uniform, I only remember raising my voice twice, and both times came with severe professional consequences for the other party involved.
In other words, I found ways to keep it under control.
In a 2024 podcast discussion with Cohort W, I explained my favorite – or least favorite, actually – method of venting my anger: running. Anger fueled those early morning runs when motivation failed me. All I had to do was think about someone or something that set me off and the resulting anger would focus me through at least three miles.
Anger, it seems, has its uses.
The Roots of Anger
Anger is a deeply rooted emotion influenced by biology, psychology, and social experience. At its roots, anger is a protective response that emerges – or sometimes erupts – when we perceive a threat, injustice, or frustration. The operative phrase is “perceive” – how individuals interpret and respond to what they perceive as a threat can be wildly different.
Perceived threats to identity or status can provoke anger, particularly when your values, reputation, or social status are under attack. When someone believes that they have been treated unfairly or dishonestly, anger can fuel a desire to seek accountability. And the frustration someone experiences when their efforts are blocked or wasted can produce responses ranging from mild irritability to seething aggression.
The anger underpinning these behaviors can be both constructive and destructive. Leveraged constructively, anger can inspire protest, reform, and decisive action against perceived wrongdoing. Collective outrage has fueled more than a few social movements. However, unchecked anger can lead to impulsive decisions, poor judgments, and even violence. Destructive anger has likely also derailed just as many social movements.
Anger itself is not inherently negative. The difference often lies in the shadows of the mind – self-awareness and control. The more introspective we are, the better we understand our emotions and more likely we can rein in those impulses and redirect them for positive impact.
Too Much of a Good Thing
But, as legendary chess grandmaster Garry Kasparov recently wrote in his newsletter, The Next Move, too much anger can lead to outrage fatigue. A vocal critic of authoritarianism and a frequent commentator on global geopolitics, Kasparov focused on the deluge of news media in our lives, and the inevitable emotional response we experience as a result. “Should we care about ICE? Or that awful video of the Obamas? Do we need to pay attention to all of it or none of it at all?”
We are quickly overwhelmed with outrage. Each story seems to pose a different type of threat, and the ensuing outrage response carries a heavy emotional burden. The longer we’re angry, the more exhausting it becomes. And when the fun never stops, we can wear down just as quickly as we spun up. Before we know it, there’s no gas left in the emotional fuel tank.
In a 2017 Psychology Today article, David Ley described outrage fatigue as the “exhaustion, cynicism, apathy, and hopelessness” that we feel as we contend with too many perceived threats at once. Outrage fatigue is the end result of an environment where we are surrounded with a 24-hour news cycle, seemingly endless forms of social media, and a wildly divisive society. Each presents a variety of issues “worthy of upset and outrage” that demand our attention and response.
“Some people seem able to keep their outrage meter at 10 all day long and thrive on maintaining incredibly high levels of engagement, connectedness, and response.” That is as preposterous as it sounds. All of that anger exerts a brutal toll on our wellbeing. The outrage isn’t going away on its own – we have to learn how to cope with our emotions and not allow them to drive us to fatigue.
Release the Kraken
As someone who inherited a temper, learning to channel those emotions in a positive manner proved essential to career longevity and success. In a 2024 NPR article, authors Hilary Jacobs Hendel and Juli Fraga captured this well: “While anger is common, many of us have a conflicted relationship with it… Our emotions never hurt anyone. It’s what we do with them that matters.”
Coping mechanisms. Though not a term I heard growing up, it became a powerful tool in my professional tool kit. Whenever I felt an emotional response brewing, I learned to reach into the kit bag before the volcano erupted. I learned to channel those feelings in less destructive ways.
1. Take a deep breath.
Calm your inner Hulk. Before you do or say anything, take some deep breaths and let the rational side of your brain weigh in.
2. Practice relaxation skills.
Whether its goat yoga or just putting your feet up, seek out an activity that helps to relax you.
3. Walk away.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to put distance between you and what’s eliciting outrage. Change your surroundings. Take a beat.
4. Scream it out.
Alone, of course. Venting your anger verbally works. I’m more of a curser than a screamer, but either one will do the trick.
5. Throw or break something.
A sudden outward exertion of inner frustration will help to calm you, if only for a moment. Be sure to do this safely and away from others, and not with anything expensive, which could make a bad situation worse.
6. Write about it.
Some people journal. I don’t. But I capture a lot of what annoys me on these pages, and there are thousands of them. Put your feelings into words, then reflect on them.
7. Get creative.
Hobbies are amazing creative outlets for pent up emotions. When you start to feel outrage fatigue coming on, lean into your hobbies.
8. Go for a run.
Physical exertion works wonders. I despise running, yet it has been one of my go-to releases for decades.
9. Listen to music.
With the right soundtrack you can flip the script on your emotions. But be deliberate. Barry Manilow might calm you or make you want to throw something. Choose wisely.
10. Mow your lawn.
There’s a good reason why I have the nicest lawn in my neighborhood. I’m always angry. My grass is my personal therapist and my lawnmower the couch. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been asked, “Who were you talking to out in the yard?”
If you find that you still can’t control the beast within – or healthy outlets prove elusive – your inner kraken might be a sign of something worthy of professional assistance. A good counselor can do wonders to help you come to terms with your outrage and manage your anger before it manages you.
