“Give it to me straight, Doctor, I can take it.” – Johnny Fever, WKRP in Cincinnati
Several years ago, I was standing with my three-star commander in his office in Baghdad as he pondered the bad news I’d just laid at his feet. I’d worked for him previously, traveled with him extensively, and we knew one another well. His initial reaction was anger – not at me, but because someone who had the same information had chosen not to share it, and now the “golden hour” to resolve the situation was past. As his anger faded, we discussed our options moving forward and how best to mitigate the damage that was already done. When I moved to leave his office, his stopped me.
“I appreciate what you did. You always tell me what I need to hear, and not just what I want to hear.”
I’ve often been accused of being blunt in such situations. I don’t “sugar coat” the truth. I don’t use a velvet hammer, but neither do I swing a medieval broadaxe. My tool of choice tends to be a corduroy sledgehammer – I typically say what needs to be said in as few words as possible. I’m a firm believer that bad news isn’t fine wine; it doesn’t improve with age. Part of that is driven by a fierce protection of my time and the time of others – why waste it beating around the bush? My philosophy is also fueled by a desire to fix problems rather than dwell on them. Again, there’s only so much time in a day and I’d rather use that time constructively when possible.
Feedback, counseling, and even criticism is central to our professional – and often personal – lives. If you want to achieve your full potential, then you have to be willing to accept some criticism along the way. If you expect the most from those around you, then you have to be capable of providing constructive criticism. It’s not personal (nor should it ever be). It’s facts, not emotions. It’s the truth, and there’s no reason to “soft peddle” around it.
Too often, we couch our words when delivering what might be construed as bad news. We spend an excessive amount of time worrying about someone’s feelings only to avoid the inevitable. We say some nice things, maybe chat a bit, then drop the bomb. In many cases, we don’t even go that far. We hint at a potential problem and never get to the ground truth; everybody leaves frustrated and generally unsure of what was discussed. Frankly, there’s no good way to share bad news; you just do it. The longer you delay telling the truth, the harder it is to deliver the news, and the worse that news becomes.
How to Offer Constructive Criticism
Whether delivering a routine (or not) counseling, offering constructive criticism to a peer, or simply sharing news that might not be so well received, there’s a formula to dropping truth bombs. It’s not complicated, it’s not particularly difficult to follow. To put it bluntly, it ain’t rocket science.
First, it’s always important to gauge the situation. A little emotional intelligence goes a long way. What’s the emotional state of the person on the receiving end? How do they deal with potentially adverse information? And are you prepared for their response? All fairly important things to consider before even opening the door. When you do open the door for the encounter, avoid the “intervention” technique. While a one-on-one discussion might not always be best, having too many people in the room or within earshot can have a detrimental impact. You want people to feel comfortable, not cornered. If you’re concerned that the situation might spin out of control, have people nearby that can react quickly if necessary.
Remember to choose your words carefully; when you communicate with someone, you can’t take words back. What you say is irreversible and irretrievable. Keep in mind that the more you talk, the less time there is for discussion; choose your words wisely and make them count. Brevity is a good thing. In the same vein, never let them see you sweat. What I’ve found that works best is the old adage (see above), “facts, not emotions.” While there’s nothing wrong with showing a certain amount of compassion, don’t let your emotions – positive, negative, or otherwise – get the best of you. Stick to the facts, keep your emotions in check.
Important in all of this is to steer clear of blame. Even in the toughest situations, focusing on blame does nothing to solve the problem at hand. The fastest way to end a discussion is to put the other person on the defensive. Ideally, you want to discuss options together. In his groundbreaking book, Emotional Intelligence, author Daniel Goleman reminds us, “Leadership is not domination, but the art of persuading people to work toward a common goal.” In the situation I mentioned at the outset, both of us knew who was to blame, but we focused our discussion on solutions, instead. We moved past blame and worked toward a common goal.
None of this means that you won’t still face challenges delivering feedback, criticism, or bad news. No one likes to tell their boss that they have bad breath or deliver the news to a subordinate that they were not selected for promotion, and there are times that call for a directive and not a discussion. But when something needs to be said, it needs to be said. The sooner the truth is on the table, the quicker you can move past the problem and on to the solution. That doesn’t mean you won’t have to address the problem in greater detail at some point (situations that demand punishment are a little difficult to avoid), but that you can use the situation to shape a more constructive approach and a positive resolution.
