“I’m the Dude, so that’s what you call me. That or, uh, His Dudeness, or, uh, Duder, or El Duderino, if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.” – Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski
Every so often, something happens that restores your faith in humanity. Or, in this particular case, the senior leadership of the Pentagon.
Like a Scene Straight Out of a Movie
In his forthcoming book, “Frankly, We Did Win This Election,” Wall Street Journal reporter Michael Bender recounts some of the more tempestuous interactions between Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley and senior White House officials. During those meetings, CNN reported last week that Milley “often found he was the lone voice of opposition during heated Oval Office discussions.” Of those interactions, one stood out from the others. According to excerpts from Bender’s book, Milley—annoyed with senior advisor Stephen Miller for venturing too far outside his lane—spun in his chair, pointed a finger at Miller, and snapped, “Shut the f*ck up, Stephen.”
In my mind, it played out like the bowling alley scene from the classic Coen brothers’ film, The Big Lebowski: You have no frame of reference here, Stephen. You’re like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie… Forget it, Stephen, you’re out of your element. Shut the f*ck up, Stephen. Maybe it’s just me, but the idea that the Joint Chiefs Chairman would be channeling The Dude from his seat in the Oval Office was remarkably satisfying, even if unrealistic. There’s a very small likelihood that someone could rise to the senior military position in the Pentagon while throwing around one-liners from The Big Lebowski like a lieutenant at staff call. As entertaining as that might be, it’s not exactly the path to greatness in the military.
Classic Lebowski Lines
It is, however, satisfying. Nothing sets a leader apart from the crowd like someone who can leverage a timely quote from The Big Lebowski. It’s not always appreciated, but it is unforgettable. And, while the Chairman might not want to add these classic lines to his daily repertoire, you can.
1. “At least I’m housebroken.”
When you’re surrounded by idiots, at least you’ve got something going for you. This comes in especially handy when working with planning teams, where leading becomes a tortured form of cat herding. In life, it’s the little things that matter.
2. “This aggression will not stand, man.”
When someone escalates the tone of a discussion with unnecessary aggression, it’s always good to ease back the tension with a dose of quick humor. This quote from The Dude tends to disarm others quickly; the looks it generates are also entertaining.
3. “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
If the previous line fails to de-escalate a situation, I routinely fall back on this classic. The only downside to using it is that it will completely derail the caboose from any train of thought. Whatever subject you’re discussing will devolve into thirty minutes of reminiscing on the best lines from The Big Lebowski. Not that that’s a bad thing.
4. “Smokey, this in not ‘Nam, this is bowling. There are rules.”
There are rules for a reason; when people ignore those rules, it can get a bit aggravating. I understand that there are people who don’t think the rules apply to them. Some people can’t be bothered to use a turn signal while others feel entitled to drive slowly in the left-hand lane. For those moments, unleash your inner Walter Sobchak.
5. “Smokey, my friend, you’re entering a world of pain.”
Some days, people just don’t seem to realize when they’ve crossed a line. They continue to push your buttons long after they should, whether out of spite, disrespect, or general ignorance. When that happens, you have to take a stand. But leave the pistol at home, especially on league nights.
6. “Obviously, you’re not a golfer.”
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you seem to continuously explain things to someone that they should already know? If your first choice is the one attributed to Milley, you might not make a lot of friends. If you want to keep the peace, you can use a little sarcasm; sarcasm also goes a long way toward preserving your sanity. And, as a leader, sanity is always a good thing to save.
7. “That rug really tied the room together.”
This has always been a great ice breaker after something especially noteworthy occurs. The sergeant major is arrested, a sensitive item is missing from the arms room, or that policy letter you fat-fingered goes viral on social media. When everyone else is trying to find the right words to express how they feel about the news, I throw this one out.
8. “F*ck it, Dude. Let’s go bowling.”
On those days when you’ve finally had enough, when you’re so done with something that you need to walk away or risk losing your mind, this is your go-to line. Don’t get upset, just leave. Go bowling. What the hell… bring your Pomeranian, too.
9. “Nobody f*cks with the Jesus.”
This one is kind of self-explanatory. Nobody, and I mean nobody, messes with you.
10. “The Dude abides.”
If you do your job and do it well, you’re going to see your share of gratitude. I was never comfortable with public expressions of thanks, so this seemed a more appropriate response. We should all do our best to abide. If we did, the world would be a better place.
