In 2013, I took off my uniform for the last time. I did not know how different my life would be after that point. I knew I was leaving the military behind, but since I was still connected to the military through my spouse who is still currently serving, I thought life wouldn’t be that different.
And as my husband creeps closer to his retirement date, we have started thinking about a future where the military no longer determines where we live and what we will do next. On the one hand, it is exhilarating and exciting. But on the other hand, for a couple that has only known military life for the past 15+ years, it is also terrifying. I love having the freedom to make my own choices; it is one of the best parts of leaving the military behind. However, in some ways, it is also the part of military life that I miss the most. The structure, the routine, the stability – they are all parts of military life that I often find myself missing. And when I used to struggle with second guessing the timing of my military transition, it was those things that I longed for the most.
5 Things That I Miss From the Military
And even though it has been more than eight years since I left the military behind, I still think back to that time fondly. And these are the things that I remember and never expected to miss when I left the military behind.
1. People
The first thing I think about is the people I worked with. Before the COVID pandemic changed our world, I felt more connected to the community and spent more time with friends. Now my days seem very limited. Yes, I connect with people through the internet. But the daily interactions with co-workers are gone now. Being a military spouse has always been lonelier than when I was serving, but the pandemic seems to have only made this loneliness grow.
2. Sense of purpose
The second thing I miss from the military is the sense of purpose I felt. When I was in the military, I never thought about if the work I was doing was important. I was serving my country. Even though some days were boring and I did not always enjoy my job, I felt that I was contributing to something greater than myself. Being out of the military made it hard to find that same sense of purpose. And even though the work I do to help women share their stories and join the military is important, it doesn’t have that same unwavering faith in the purpose that I had while serving in the military.
3. Chain of Command
Chain of command seems like an odd thing to miss. But as a business owner, I am the one who makes the choices on how things run and what priorities are most important. And while I enjoy the sense of freedom around my career, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the choices in front of me. Some days I think about how much easier it was when I did what someone told me. Now, I am my own accountability holder.
4. The Validation
One thing I noticed shortly after leaving the military is that no one else seems to praise you the way the military did. I never thought much of the medals, certificates, and other awards that were given out until they were gone. The military does a great job of validating those who work for them. Recognizing members at various ranks each quarter, year, or for different achievements and more. Now, I go out searching for validation from social media and often find myself questioning if I did enough.
5. Structure and Stability
The military may ask a lot of its members, but everything is laid out clearly – sometimes even in written form through an operations order. The military does a great job ensuring everyone knows what they need to do to get the mission done. The work I do can be quantified in many different ways and often the impact is person to person. It makes structure and stability hard to come by. I’m working to create systems and strategies, but I don’t have years and years to fall back on in my journey. Instead, I take it one step at a time. One step forward, sometimes two steps back.
High Cost But High ReWARD
I gained so much from my service and I am excited about the path I am on. But it doesn’t change the fact that once I was given a time where a lot of my freedoms were gone, but, in its place, I found security in having my life laid out before me. And sometimes I crave that security again, even if I’m not interested in giving up all the freedoms that it costs.
What do you miss most about military service? What do you wish someone would have told you when you were leaving military life behind?
