It was a Monday. And, as Mondays go, this one seemed to be dragging on. The students had a glazed look in their eyes, typically a sign that we were discussing something that required more cognitive firepower than they brought to class on the first day of the week.
“Don’t sweat it,” I said to the class, “We’re gonna pop smoke in just a few more minutes.”
Judging from the blank looks – which somehow eclipsed the glaze in their eyes – staring back at me, my comment had flown right over their heads. “We’re almost done for the day,” I corrected myself. “Hang on for about ten more minutes.” The glazed looks returned to their faces, a few nodded in acknowledgment.
SPEAKING IN TONGUES
This was hardly the first time I’d drifted into mil-speak with someone. Old habits die hard, and after three decades in uniform the metaphors and euphemisms of military life are ingrained in my speech. My language is infused with everything from an array of arcane acronyms to an operational taxonomy that serves as a subtle reminder of what I did for a living for so many years. Words such as decisive, lethal, and asymmetric roll off the tongue as fluidly for me as a Starbucks order might for one of my civilian friends.
As I prepared to transition from the Army a decade ago, I made a concerted effort to adapt to a kinder, gentler way of speaking. I eliminated most of the more violent expressions that communicate simple ideas, like locked and loaded or do a drive-by, and stopped using acronyms altogether. Hell, I even cut down on my swearing. This was a brave new world that needed a new me with a new way of speaking.
Until the day the old me came out to play.
When it happened, it came on slowly, like water seeping out from a crack in a dam. I was listening to a peer criticize an effort put together by some of my team, apparently without (a) realizing that they were working under my direction, or (b) having any actual knowledge of what they were doing. In short order, the phrases pie hole, watch your six, and cheap cigar spewed forth, with some choice profanity sprinkled in along the way. While I probably could have said, “please refrain from denigrating the efforts of my subordinates,” it lacked the desired effect. And the effect was definitely felt.
10 Military Phrases that Work in Civilian Life
Years later, I have abandoned any effort to be anyone other than who I am. Some might say that I am genuine or authentic. I suppose I am, but I prefer something a former associate said to me shortly after transitioning: “You Army guys. You have your own language.”
And so, we do. Frankly, what I’ve seen of the civilian world over the last decade has convinced me that in many ways it’s not that much different than our own. As a result, some of our language fits in perfectly with this strange, new world.
1. You can’t fix stupid.
Calvin Coolidge once said, “The world is full of educated derelicts.” Try as you might, you can’t make people smarter. Some folks were just meant to flip burgers.
2. Mandatory fun.
Don’t believe anyone who tells you that mandatory fun stops when you head out the front gate with your DD-214. Mandatory fun is part of the civilian world, too.
3. Hurry up and wait.
That annoying habit you have of showing up five minutes early for everything is going to haunt you. In the civilian world, time is a false construct used to torment the organized and prepared.
4. Move out and draw fire.
Decision-making in the civilian world tends to move at an annoyingly sloth-like pace. You can be perfectly squared away, and someone still can’t make a decision. See #1, above.
5. Soup sandwich.
Along with its less-palatable relative, this is a term that deserves a place in the taxonomy of the civilian workplace. Because not a day goes by when you don’t see someone or something so hopelessly screwed up that all you can do is shake your head.
6. Drive-by.
Even in the civilian world, drive-bys – the workplace kind, not its more violent cousin – are a great way to engage someone in the moment, usually when they least expect is and there’s no chance to evade and escape. Grab your coffee and go.
7. Voluntold.
There is no civilian term for this, but the concept most certainly exists. It happened to me last week. You might have called it an opportunity to excel, but I was absolutely voluntold for something. Personal time is for the weak.
8. Blow it in place.
A bad idea is a bad idea wherever you go. You can waste time and effort trying to unscrew the mess, or you can just call the ball and do what needs to be done.
9. Locked and loaded.
When you’re ready, you’re ready. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in uniform or not, the meaning is the same. It just might make some people uncomfortable.
10. Pop smoke.
When it’s time to go, it’s time to go. Whether you pull chocks on blow this popsicle stand, the meaning is the same wherever you go.
I could embrace the suck and suppress my true nature, but every day is Groundhog Day – another day in paradise that just begs for our unique taxonomy of life. Those days demand a kinetic approach to problem solving, when people are moving like pond water and the oxygen thieves are running amok. Proving once again that I don’t really need a reason for mounting a football bat on the wall of my office.
