Hi. I’m Jen Easterly, director of CISA, but today I want to talk to you as a sister, and as a friend. Twenty years ago, on December 4, 2001, my little brother Eli, took his own life with a handgun. It happened late at night. My mom called me early the next morning to let me know. I was serving on a selection board up at Middlebury College in Vermont. At first, I thought she was telling me that Eli’s dog, Sam, was dead. My brain somehow refused to process the fact that she was telling me that my brother, Eli, was dead.
That was a Tuesday morning. Eli had dinner with my parents on that Sunday night. I called to speak with them, and they asked me if I wanted to talk to Eli. I told them I had to run but would call him the next day on my ride up to Vermont. As I drove past Hobart Smith College, Eli’s Alma Mater, I tried to reach him on my cellphone, but the connection wasn’t strong enough. I made a note to call him the next day. But by then, he was gone.
Elias was named for my grandfather, and he was a wonderful soul. He was 8 years younger than me, and 16 years younger than my older brother. He wasn’t planned for but was such a joy from day one. He was so full of kindness, warmth, and generosity, always thinking of others and finding ways to support those in need. And he was so funny. As we later discovered though, his warmth and humor masked a darkness and pain too excruciating to bear. I miss Eli every day and only take some comfort knowing he is out of pain. But his death left so much of my family, and me, fundamentally changed. Sudden, unexpected death, particularly of a child, changes one forever.
For years, and sometimes still, I wondered if we had connected that Monday afternoon, would that have changed anything or stopped Eli from doing what he did that evening. And while I can’t bring him back, I can honor his memory but trying to prevent this from happening to others.
According to the American Suicide Prevention Foundation, based on 2019 data, over 47,500 Americans died by suicide that year making it the 10th leading cause of death and the 2nd leading cause of death for those aged 10-34. My brother died 2 months before his 26th birthday. 90% of those who died had a diagnosable mental health condition at the time of their death, but among adults with a diagnosed mental health condition, over 40% do not receive mental health services.
If you’re someone who is struggling with mental health issues, my message to you is – You Are Not Alone. There are many resources out there, that frankly didn’t exist or were harder to find 20 years ago, focused on ensuring you get the help you need. My other message is – If you’re struggling, please reach out to those who care about you. I realize that it may be difficult to admit you’re having challenges, but the things is: WE ALL ARE. Everyone one of us. Some of us are better at hiding it than others. Some of us are better at dealing with it than others. But we all have problems. And we all need help. So please, particularly, as we find ourselves on the cusp of the holiday season, reach out if you need help, and extend a hand if you see someone in need. Remember: Mental health is health – we’re all in this together. Let’s take care of ourselves and take care of each other.
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