I’ve been working from home exclusively for the past 6 years. I say it all the time, not really in jest, that I could never work in an office again. I just can’t wear real pants anymore.

I’ve become accustomed to the messy blend of work, kids and craziness that constitutes my 24-hour work day. Like most work-from-home parents, I still have traditional office hours and a great childcare situation (nanny and grandparents for the win!). But that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when world’s collide and my children barge into my office during a video call (like today).

As someone who worked for the Department of the Army and successfully negotiated a one-day a-week approved telework situation, recently released OPM guidance on telework and dependent care is ushering in a flashback. Picture a group of women sitting in a conference room, being lectured by HR about why we could not have our children (I didn’t even have kids at this point, but given the fact I have a uterus, it was clearly a risk) at home with us while we worked.

This was Washington, D.C. mind you. And anyone who was working at the Pentagon who had kids was already shelling out at least $1000 a month for the privilege of quality childcare for their kid (multiply that for multiple children). My guess is they weren’t going to pull them out of daycare (’cause they don’t refund your money if you’re only there for four days) just so they could have their kids at home while they worked. And since telework days were pre-arranged, static work days, the chance of your telework day falling on the same day your child is sick is not the kind of karma I have ever experienced as a parent.

But, old habits die hard, it seems, and Uncle Sam is still threatening parents – don’t you dare consider the possibility of interacting with your children while working from home. Unless it’s on your lunch break. And if it’s pre-approved by your manager. (Um, excuse me, boss, may I please have your permission to watch my 10-month old throw SpaghettiOs at her sister from approximately 1130-1200? While I check my email?)

I realize I seem jaded, sarcastic and entitled (that’s just who I am as a person), and there are elements of the telework policy that seem genuinely focused on making sure dependent care and telework can go hand-in-hand. But reading ‘scenarios’ like this is where my ‘eye-rolling’ reaches maximum level:

Scenario: Mason’s son Mahlon was born several months ago. He and his wife have a nanny caring for Mahlon at home each day. Mason discussed with his supervisor the fact that he has a home office on the third floor, and that the nanny cares for the baby on the first and second floors. So his supervisor has approved Mason to telework on Tuesdays. As a sleep deprived young parent, Mason appreciates the extra sleep he can get on Tuesdays when he is not commuting, and also enjoys the extra time he has to decompress after work and prepare a nice dinner for the family on Tuesday evenings.

Cause, ya know, the average DC family clearly has the extra two floors to spare to make a telework arrangement workable! There’s just an implication here that there needs to be complete separation – and I’m telling you, even with a nanny, I couldn’t separate myself by an entire floor – not in my 1200 square foot, $550,000 Arlington, Va. ranch home. (Maybe other DC workers can relate).

In my five years as a work-from-home parent I have:

  • Been trying to speak during a company meeting and had the 5-month-old I was holding start to cry (my bad – it turns out no matter how much you ‘Lean In’ you still can’t breastfeed on a conference call without risks).
  • Had a two-year old walk in during a video call and ask me to wipe his bottom.
  • Had a five-year-old run into my office and play hide and seek under my desk during a video call.

And about 10 other situations even more embarrassing and likely to get me reprimanded by a government supervisor. And guess who was present for each of those situations? My very well paid and highly competent nanny. And while the logical response would be ‘Buy a door lock and put down your baby during conference calls for goodness sakes!’ even the most careful teleworker is going to have a less than ideal situation arise during the course of a few months or years. Is management going to fall back on the competence of their employees at those times, or a policy that would likely lead to ending telework completely?

Will Work for Wine

Granted, I’m in a creative profession, but I’ve generated some of my best ideas over a glass of red wine over an evening conversation with my husband, without any third-party childcare present. Like most professionals, I also always log back in each evening after the kids go to bed and clean up shop (most of my friends working 9-5 in an office do the same thing).

Does the government want to start reimbursing for those out-of-work hours? Do they want to start welcoming in the kind of creativity and competitive advantage a real work from home situation can offer? The government has had a tricky relationship with both telework and ROWE (Results-Oriented-Work-Environments). And it’s true – many government jobs cannot be done from home at all (ask my husband, he works in a SCIF).

But when the guidance from OPM on telework focuses on 10 pages of dependent care caveats, I hate to tell you Uncle Sam – you’re doing it wrong. And their ‘real-life’ scenarios only make it worse. I guarantee there is some government manager out there who’s going to use the ‘Mason and Mahlon’ example to demonstrate why a government worker living in an apartment can’t be allowed to telework while having a relative watch the baby.

Trust is Greater Than Policy

Successful telework does require clearly articulated policy. But it requires one thing even more important – trust. I can work from home because I have a great boss who trusts me to get work done even if he doesn’t see me doing it. Trust is the most critical element of telework (Just as this PhD who has studied the topic extensively). Ten page policies won’t make a great telework program. They’ll fill up months of meetings at OPM and scare most workers out of trying (maybe that’s why only about 40 percent of those eligible to telework in government even attempt it), and that’s about it.

We are currently in the midst of one of the most competitive cleared hiring markets I have seen in my 10 years working in and around government. And I’m hearing from more and more recruiters that telework and flexible schedules are one of the benefits they’re successfully using to attract talent. If government wants to compete, they’ll need to make sure their policies make it easier to telework – not harder.

I successfully embarked on a government approved telework program that lasted approximately….never. A new supervisor took over my division and informed me while I was out of town traveling that she was suspending any telework in our office until she could personally review and approve each telework request (never mind the months it had taken to get approval the first time).

While I was supposed to be teleworking that morning after a late flight the night before, instead I went in and gave my two weeks notice (I’m a millennial and I’d been in the same job for 3 years – what did they expect?).

And I’m never wearing real pants again.

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Lindy Kyzer is the director of content at ClearanceJobs.com. Have a conference, tip, or story idea to share? Email lindy.kyzer@clearancejobs.com. Interested in writing for ClearanceJobs.com? Learn more here.. @LindyKyzer