Think all workplace mistakes are obvious? You might be surprised how quickly some candidates screw up an opportunity. Whether it’s laziness, complacency, or sheer idiocy, sometimes a job is easier to lose than a relationship.
1. BADMOUTH THE COMPANY.
You can probably think of some story about how some idiot was fired before they ever started a job because of something dumb they posted online (if you haven’t, a quick visit to Redditt or Buzzfeed will give you a number of examples). Discretion is a critical and overlooked quality today – but not in the defense industry. You might hope your hiring managers won’t be online, but don’t trust your friends – many of them are narks who will pass your negative comments along if they happen to know your future boss. And don’t fall under the illusion that whatever you say is protected speech. That may apply in some cases, but for any new applicants, you’re under a probation period that means you can be fired for any reason – including what you post online.
2. FORGET THE NAME OF THE COMPANY.
I’ve actually known a few people with this problem (job hoppers beware) – it’s generally frowned upon to forget the name of the company you work for. It makes it look like you weren’t actually paying attention during that two-day mandatory orientation. It will lose you the job in the interview, and set you on the path to losing the job if you make the mistake once you get started. We get it – mergers, acquisitions, who can keep track? But you need to do your homework before you get started on the job – know who your company is, their subsidiaries, and everyone in your wheelhouse of work.
3. VIOLATE OPSEC.
This is a two-for – you could lose your job AND your clearance! Nothing says ‘rookie’ like a serious OPSEC violation. This could include bringing your cell phone into a classified facility, using a thumb drive, emailing classified materials to an unsecured email. Those are all serious no-nos. Put on your security officer hat the first few weeks and when in doubt, don’t hesitate to ask – better to sound silly than risk a security breach.
4. SHOW UP LATE.
Another no-brainer. You have to be on time. Actually, in the first 10 days, you have to be early – probably 30 minutes early, so if you get caught on the metro you’re on time. Unforeseen circumstances happen, and your new boss will give some grace in the beginning, but you definitely need to know when and where to share up. My first job with the Army I planned to arrive at 8:00 – since my last, normal job was a 9-6 position. Imagine my surprise when I spoke with my boss the day prior and found out she worked 7-4 every day. If I had stuck with my original, 8:00 arrival time, I think I would have made a less-than-stellar first impression. If you’re not in Kansas, anymore – but you are, in fact, working for the military, you may need to set your clock back a few hours if you want to get to work on time.
5. START GHOSTING.
Also known as the ‘Irish Good-bye,’ ghosting refers to quietly disappearing rather than announcing your departure. I’m actually a big fan of ghosting in personal life, because I’m socially awkward and hate good-byes. But when it comes to office time, it’s generally better not to disappear. I’ve had coworkers who were so good at this they would ghost for hours in the workday, sometimes to appear back at their desk randomly, sometimes, it was anyone’s guess as to whether or not they had left for the day. In your first 10-days, you want to show your value. There’s no better way to convey, ‘I’m not really needed’ than sneaking out every day without acknowledging your team mates.
6. TAKE A TWO-HOUR LUNCH.
I don’t care if you Crossfit on your lunch break. Or if you just like to sip Manhattans while leisurely reading the New York Times. Don’t assume a new job comes with a long lunch break, and don’t expect to take one in your first two weeks.
7. START DATING THE HOT GUY OR GIRL TWO CUBES OVER.
We know – D.C. is full of millennials and those open concept offices make it easy to form a love connection quickly. But the first 10-days on a new job should be all about establishing your professional reputation – not your ability to get a date. Even if you’re the one getting asked out, delay the date for at least two weeks, and opt for an all-office happy hour to get to know the hottie.
8. SPEND YOUR ENTIRE DAY TWEETING @SECRETSQUIRREL.
Our marketing team would love this, but your new boss probably wouldn’t. Unless social media is banned at your office, your boss probably won’t mind if you check your Instagram or tweet your favorite ClearanceJobs mascot during the workday. But there is an exception in your first few weeks. The last thing you need is your office-mates to note you spend a lot of time surfing social media during the work day. If you’re awaiting access or credentials, I realize you may be locked out of everything relevant for your job – including your office network and social media. You know what value-added activity you can do, that will make you look great? Stay up-to-date on defense industry news.
9. CIRCUMVENT THE CHAIN OF COMMAND.
This could be an honest rooky move – or it could be a sign of your insubordination that requires your immediate firing (depending upon your boss’ disposition). Day one on the job, find out who your boss is, who your bosses boss is, and who his or her boss is. Make it your goal to always kowtow to your immediate boss, particularly in the first few weeks. If after a few months on the job, you discover your boss is an idiot, you might begin to work more with other individuals in the company, but only after you’ve established yourself in your position. Hell hath no fury than a new defense industry employee who fails to respect the proper authority.
10. CRY.
There’s no crying in baseball, or in your first few days on a new job. It might be really stressful or overwhelming. But for the love of all that is good and holy do not cry in front of your new coworkers. Do what all of us self-respecting insecure professionals do and find the quietest bathroom in the building and cry there. And if you’re a man and you think there’s no way you’d ever cry on a new job, keep in mind that this rule applies to any intense emotion. You may be grateful for a new opportunity but don’t spend half of the day thanking your boss and talking about what it was like to be unemployed. On the other extreme, don’t be so uncommunicative it’s impossible for your new bosses or coworkers to get a word out of you. Let your personality – whether you’re assertive, aggressive, hesitant or anxious – reveal itself over time. Let them fall in love with your work. Then let them fall in love with quirky you.
